Stand up for your rights

Domestic Violence – A checklist for Men.

Posted on: April 2, 2010


For general public Domestic Violence (DV) means a drunken guy beating his wife. If this is the only picture coming to your mind while talking about violence at home then you are completely wrong.

As per section 37 of Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA), central government has the right to define the “Rules” regarding execution of domestic violence Act. This article is about the definitions or various other offenses, given by Ministry of Women And Child Development through notification in The Gazette of India: Extraordinary on 17th of October, 2006.

The following excerpts are from the form that an aggrieved woman needs to fill out while reporting a domestic incident of violence. So wherever it is mentioned “you” means the aggrieved woman.

Economic violence

Not providing money for maintaining you or your children.
Not providing food, clothes, medicine, etc, for you or your children.
Forcing you out of the house you live in.
Preventing you from accessing or using any part of the house.
Preventing or obstructing you from carrying on your employment.
Not allowing you to take up an employment.
Non payment of rent in case of a rented accommodation.
Not allowing you to use clothes or articles of general household use.
Selling or pawing your stridhan or any other valuables without informing you and without your consent.
Forcibly taking away your income, salary or wages etc.
Disposing your stridhan.
Non payment of other bills such as electricity etc.
Any other economic violence.

Dowry related harassment

Demands for dowry made.
Any other detail with regard to dowry.

Physical violence

Beating
Slapping
Hitting
Biting
Kicking
Punching
Pushing
Shoving
Causing bodily pain or injury in any other manner

Verbal and Emotional Violence

Insults
Accusation/aspersion on your character or conduct etc
Insult for not bringing dowry etc
Insult for not having male child
Insult for not having any child
Demeaning, humiliating or undermining remarks/statements
Ridicule
Name calling
Forcing you to not attend school, college or any other educational institution.
Preventing you from taking up a job.
Preventing you from leaving the house
Preventing you from meeting any particular person.
Forcing you to get married against your will.
Forcing you to get married when you do not want to marry.
Preventing you from marrying a person of your choice.
Forcing you to marry a person of his/their own choice.
Threat to commit suicide
Any other verbal or emotional abuse

Sexual Violence

Forced Sexual Intercourse
Forced to watch pornography or other obscene material
Forcibly using you to entertain others
Any other act of sexual nature, abusing, humiliating, degrading or otherwise violative of your dignity

If any act of domestic violence is committed against you by a person(s) with whom you are/were residing in the same house, you can get all or any of the following orders against the person(s)

(a) Under Section 18:

1. To stop committing any further acts of domestic violence on you or your children;

2. To give you the possession of your stridhan, jewellery, clothes etc.

3. Not to operate the joint bank accounts or lockers without permission of the court

(b) Under Section 19:

1. Not to stop you from residing in the house where you were residing with the person(s)

2. Not to disturb or interfere with your peaceful enjoyment of residence

3. Not to dispose off the house in which you are residing

4. If your residence is a rented property then either to ensure payment of rent or secure any other suitable alternative accommodation which offers you the same security and facilities as earlier residence.

5. Not to give up the rights in the property in which you are residing without the permission of the court.

6. Not to take any loan against the house/property in which you are residing or mortgage it or create any other financial liability involving the property.

7. Any or all of the following orders for your safety requiring the person(s) to

(c) General Order:

1. Stop the domestic violence complained/reported

(d) Special Orders:

1. Remove himself/stay away from your place of residence or workplace;

2. Stop making any attempts to meet you

3. Stop calling you over phone or making any attempts to communicate with you by letter, e-mail etc

4. Stop talking to you about marriage or forcing you to meet a particular person of his/their choice for marriage

5. Stay away from the school of your child/children, or any other place where you or your children visit

6. Surrender possession of fire arms, any other weapons or any other dangerous substance

7. Not to acquire possession of fire arm, any other weapons or any other dangerous substance and not to be in possession of any similar article

8. Not to consume alcohol or drugs with similar effect which led to domestic violence in the past

9. Any other measure required for ensuring your or your children’s safety

(e) An order of interim monetary relief under section 20 and 22 including

Maintenance for you and your children
Compensation for physical injury including medical expenses
Compensation for mental torture and emotional distress
Compensation for loss of earning
Compensation for loss caused by destruction, damage, removal of any property from your possession or control

Note: – Any of the above relief can be granted on an interim basis, as soon as you make a complaint of domestic violence and present your application for any of the relief before the court.

Alright guys, now tell me how many of you are engaged in domestic violence? Does that make sense when NCW, WCD, UN, UNIFEM etc (most probably you too) saying 70% of women in India face domestic violence? It is not one out of three but three out three women in India are facing domestic violence as per this Rule.

It will cost several pages if I start explaining all the points in the Rules, so I’ll take a couple of simple examples and leave the rest as food for your thoughts.

Eg 1:- “Not allowing you to use clothes or articles of general household use” — How many of you guys might have told women in your house that “No TV until your exams are done” or “No serials until the cricket match is over”.

Eg 2:- “Not to disturb or interfere with your peaceful enjoyment of residence” —

If you happen to know that your wife is using your residence for any unlawful activity or meeting with her paramour(s) you most likely want her to move out of the house. But PWDVA ensures that you will be restrained from getting into your own house because you have committed domestic violence based on this poorly drafted unconstitutional Act.

If you never knew that you are committing domestic violence, it is not a valid point because “Ignorantia juris non excusat”; means ignorance of law is not an excuse.

You might think women are committing domestic violence against men when they do one or more acts mentioned in the Rules; then you are totally mistaken. As per this Act women are ALWAYS victims and men are ALWAYS perpetrators.


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24 Responses to "Domestic Violence – A checklist for Men."

Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! 🙂

i’m honored, thank you very much.

18-4-10

Dear Prassoon Ji,

Many thanks for such a good & informative article. It is certainly a shame that the So called, widely publicized Male Dominated Society has now Victimized Men to the extremity. It would be a nice to team up and work towards removing this Black Menace from the Humanity. I know that I am going to do my Bit, No matter how small it may be.

Warm Regards

Ranjeev Manrao

Thanks X.
But somehow how do you even know if i have sought maintenance? That chap who had been living off my salary as long as he was married? That chap who has sold off my jewellery to buy a flat for his girlfriend? That chap who now wants more to come back? That chap who wanted to kill his daughter when she was born as he only wants sons? Ohhh pleaseeee!!
Just coz I haven’t been writing hate mail all over the place doesnt mean its all fine here. And another thing, what is good riddance? My daughter is now 18 months and this so called ATM machine doesnt even want to see her? So what should I do? Sit and wait for him to remember her, even if not myself? Is going to CAW wrong then? And don’t give me all the story on family court etc. And let me add another thing, i have proof about his intensions and all. So who was using whom as the ATM machine/door mat? Where did I go wrong in this marriage after giving that man all my salary and jewellery? And now you say good riddance? Am I wrong in asking my own money? Bank statements can prove that the money to flat is from where and also the cash raised from my jewellery.

How much more time should I wait for this family to get together? What should I tell my daughter — that her father doesn’t want her? what will happen to her mental development? i need to raise this kid all by myself – she is my responsibility. is it not even worth trying to get back my cash/jewellery back which this man has used to buy a flat for his girlfriend?

Pl ponder when someone says something rather than going out for such comments.

Thank god there is no allegation of drunken beating for more dowry.

Those gifts, yes I said gifts, turned out to be DOWRY only after you came to know that the flat is for his girl friend. How come the stuffs that you voluntarily gave is an offense. If he is staying with another girl that is adultery and is punishable for 5 years imprisonment as per Indian Penal Code. Dont make mokery of the word DOWRY.

There are plenty of sati savitris in India who marry for green card. Poor husband pays a lot of money for those and once she get that she will seek divorce and slap a dowry harassment case on husband and his entire family and go live with her boyfriend(s). This has been mentioned in NCW dos and dont’s guide as well. How should those husbands get all those money back and prove their innocence?

I am not sure if what you are saying is extreme or a norm. So can’t really comment. As for my case, I have an audio recording where things are being said – abuses, dowry. Also there is an acceptance of my jewellery being sold off for that flat and also an acceptance that had the housemaid not saved me while trying to commit suicide, i would have been dead and so would be the unborn child. i now thank my stars that i did that recording for at least now most so-called 498a sufferers may also see that all that they say may not be true.
my friend, when two people suffer it is not just because of one person’s fault. the same thing also applies to myself. thats the reason why i was not after police/court the day he deserted me. rather had been trying hard to make things work.

Forget about ‘Extremes’ our govt will not even wake up for even ‘normals’. They will move only when it is worse to the core. That too in NCW guidelines, where they are hell bend on saving the vicious women.

“when two people suffer it is not just because of one person’s fault.”

I cant digest this theory. If one women trick the man into marraige and when it is too late by the time that man get to know about the reailty how come it is his fault? Now a days women consider marriage as a career a means to have free lunch and a job as a means to get rid of boredom and household chores!!!

Even if what you say are real no court is going to believe you because 98% dowry cases are false and fabricated and never lead to conviction.

If these are the Rules for DV, then 100% women in India can file suits against men in their house. This is utterly absurd.

Somehow you are echoing what i started with.
1. these laws — pro women if u may term them — were brought in place only when it was an extreme situation of cruelty.
2. in case of such rules for DV, if 100% women can file suits, can the same be said for men if such rules are brought for them in a society where women are considered as the head of the family and the breadwinner — look at societies in Manipur, Meghalaya. in places like shillong, DV is unheard of.. no cases filed, etc. am not society should change like that but then its best example of how men treat their women well. they too have divorces but mistreatment not really….
3. women tricking men or men tricking women.. now that is something u can decide.
4. marriage = free lunch and
job = free of boredom and household chores.
really u need to see. many of ur well married female colleagues would be doing all household work, taking care of kids and her job. and as for free lunch, most of ur male colleagues will be carried food packets prepared by their working wives.
so who got wat? by marriage, most working women become 24-hr maids who at times — please read at times — are also harrassed.
a society which you are talking about – fabrication of facts, etc is not a norm. it is surely in instances but then which rule/law is not misused.

you are way too far from reality.. here is what breadwinning women says while seeking help from http://www.498a.org

“My husband is in India and I am in USA. Its 2 1/2 years since we got married. My husband is incapable of taking care of the expenses and uneducated too. so far I was taking care of everything. He never made any attempt to improve himself. Now I want divorce and he is not ready for that. Can 498A help in any ways. Please help me”

Whats wrong in cooking for the family. Husbands do 10hrs job and on top of that he has to bear all the major expenses like accomodation, education of kids, entertainment of entire family, take care of senior citizens and what not; All LEGALLY IMPOSED DUTIES. By marriage a MAN become a SLAVE, and unpaid SERVANT.

Women have choice
1) Be a housewife
2) Work fulltime
3) Work parttime
4) Work occassionally.

On the other hand choice for men are
1) Work fulltime
2) Work fulltime
3) Work fulltime
4) Work fulltime

hahahaha..
your example only doesn’t prove what you are trying to say.
Well, nevertheless, if you stick to your point… don’t ever get married or allow anyone in your viscinity to do so. hopefully that will save a woman from such hatred. 🙂
and by the way, what’s wrong if a husband can avoid hitting his wife? what’s wrong if a husband may treat his wife as a proper? what’s wrong if a husband may at times help her husband in household work? what’s wrong if a husband is not all about “macho-man” chauvanistic crap and rather a human.
i have excellent examples of such good relationship especially my own parents. he is the head of the family and has never said an abuse to my mother. my mother is a working woman and does all the household work. thats an excellent relationship. if one doesn’t abuse the other — man or a woman, every relationship works! but then one has to respect the other — and this is for both the husband and the wife. plus respect has to be given and also earned.
cheers

Madam, I’m not talking about feminism or chauvnism here, Its all about law and its biased nature.
What forced this guy to seek help from media? Domestic Violence Caught in Camera

Is there any law to protect men from domestic violence? Not all women are like your mom and not all men are like your dad. So why the LAWS are BIASED? Do read this and enlighten yourself. India in SEX revolution

Beg to differ…
Well, lets agree to disagree as we are not on the same side of fence.

Cheers

Thats the best thing to do when you dont have any counter arguments!

Welcome your views in my new article 20,000 NRI “BRIDE DUMPING” – An NCW SCAM!!!

and to reply to your next message — losers want to argue for the heck of arguing without any respect or intention to hear what the other party is saying.
Cheers

No you are not a looser. You just cant bear the truth, thats all.

haha
we better leave it here for you don’t want to listen to anyone but your own voice.
and also if you give out hatred it will come back to you — with increased level of negativity.
I have realised that there are times when one should stop trying to discuss things when the counterparty just doesn’t want to look beyond its own existence, self and ego.
God Bless and hope us lesser mortals stay away from your negativity. Don’t mind my saying but good riddance for your partner.

no wonder your husband ran away with another girl.

Exactly the story in my case. Spent a fortune getting her GC when i did not get it in my name. Cancelled me out of her application when EAD came. Lost almost half a million dollars(yes half a million dollar) and she still pretends as if i am a wife beater when i life in a shanty apartment married a guy (her next target) and living a luxurious life in a million dollar home.

“Ayesha Siddiquies” are increasing day by day. NRIs are the most vulnerable target.

Good riddance for R’s husband.. So R can write on a blog. seems quite educated.. and wants her husband to ‘fend’ for her.. why? is he a ATM machine? or this is another Ayesha in making? Lets throw some alms at her…

Well, yes, to be true. I never trusted the CAW and police so much for what they were saying. Advocate is something i will find now as would need one.
Thanks

CAW and police didnt tell about DV. You would have probably met advocates too and they didnt tell about DV either; And you got informed through my blog. WOW thats interesting!

Thanks for this.
I never realised the whole gamut this act covers. My husband left me and the newborn child of ours in the hospital itself as she is a girl. thereafter, we were forced out of the rented accommodation and left to fend for herself. the father refused to be in touch. when the child was 14m old, i took him to CAW and there also he maintained he got nothing to do with me or the child. now last month i got the FIR done finally and he now at the Police Station says he wants to take me back and he adores the child. interestingly, i had my bro’s daughter there with me at that point of time and my husband and in laws starting praising the child’s looks and how similar it is to his side of the family, etc etc. thereafter in front of the SHO i clarified that this is not my daughter. it was worth looking at the idiot’s face — he doesnt even recognise his own child. i have offered to him to see/meet the child if he wants but he didnt even respond.
and in reln to the istridhan list, they have said most about not available with them. so i think i will next go for DV now.

Regards,
R

Here is a point to highlight about behaviour study by Blue Cross..
Not every living creature is born to be pets, relationships are acquired and retained through “Behaviour”.

Some acquires strong bondage in due course of time, Some runs away from home looking at other side of grass. Its often too late, to figure other side of grass is no more greener.

Its the behaviour which decides any living creatre to be a pet or on street.

Disclaimer : I am not very particular about some one saying Idiot about other though. I just mentioned a concept worth to note for.

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